The Christmas diary of Useless
Useless is the network’s eraser-in-residence. This time it has been given a paper hat, a mince pie and no idea. Every fact in here has been checked by someone more qualified, i.e. anyone.
- Day 1
Henry Cole had a thousand Christmas cards printed in 1843. I have sent one card in my life, and it was a smudge. V&A: The first Christmas card
- Day 2
Some Manx carvals were 320 verses long. I can’t get through verse two of anything without rubbing out the words. Culture Vannin: Kiaull Manninagh Jiu, December 2016 (Manx music and dance at Christmas)
- Day 3
A carval could last as long as a lit taper. I last about as long as a pencil with a really good point. Culture Vannin: Kiaull Manninagh Jiu, December 2016 (Manx music and dance at Christmas)
- Day 4
Tom Smith’s son Walter added the paper hats to crackers. I have been wearing mine since lunchtime. It is now a scarf. V&A: The Christmas cracker
- Day 5
The Met Office only needs one snowflake for a white Christmas. I have seen one. It melted on my head. Still counts. Met Office: White Christmas and UK Christmas weather records
- Day 6
Near the end of Saturnalia, Romans gave each other candles and little wax figures. I would like a wax figure of me, please. Pink. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Saturnalia
- Day 7
The first Advent wreaths had 24 candles, then people found that awkward and cut it to four. I relate. I am also awkward. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Christmas
- Day 8
The first printed Advent calendars were made in Germany in 1851. I opened all 24 doors on 1 December. Lesson learned. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Christmas
- Day 9
In 1823 the reindeer were Dunder and Blixem. Somewhere, Donner and Blitzen are very glad of the name change. Encyclopaedia Britannica: A Visit from St. Nicholas
- Day 10
In Australia, Santa wears red swimming trunks. I tried this. Erasers do not float. Do not try this. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Christmas
- Day 11
Befana sweeps the floor with her broom before she leaves. I just leave crumbs. Pink ones. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Befana
- Day 12
Mince pie crusts used to be called coffins and weren’t always eaten. That explains a lot about my pastry. English Heritage: Meat to sweet, a history of the mince pie
- Day 13
A Christmas Carol sold out its first 6,000 copies by Christmas Eve. My Christmas poem sold out its first copy. To my mum. Encyclopaedia Britannica: A Christmas Carol
- Day 14
On Christmas morning in the Isle of Man, fiddlers called at houses to wake everyone up. My alarm clock is a pencil sharpener. Culture Vannin: Kiaull Manninagh Jiu, December 2016 (Manx music and dance at Christmas)
- Day 15
Women at the Oie’l Verrey might fling parched peas at their bachelor friends. I have been hit by a pea. It was not festive. Culture Vannin: Kiaull Manninagh Jiu, December 2016 (Manx music and dance at Christmas)
- Day 16
The warmest UK Christmas Day on record reached 15.6 °C, in Devon in 1920. I went outside in a scarf anyway, and it was a mistake. Met Office: White Christmas and UK Christmas weather records